May Long Weekend and other stories...

My dear friend, Megan, turned thirty this week and to celebrate our group converged on Jeremy’s family cabin in Kenora. Now, the last time we were in Kenora we hit a deer on the highway, so let’s say I was a tad tense on the trip out. We saw at least a dozen deer by the road, but made it there successfully.

Megan really liked her prezzies, a scarf...


And a cross-stitch of her favourite word.


We danced, canoed, painted rocks, went for walks while some skipped stones or just hung out. On Saturday night we had a camp fire and this huge dog appeared and decided to join the party. I really wanted to take this dog home, as she was gentle, didn’t beg for food and was sort of an ‘old soul’. But she was about 120 lbs and it was obvious she belonged to a neighbour by her healthy appearance.

We dubbed her “Bear” and I was convinced she was an angel sent from heaven which eventually altered her name to “Angel Bear”. She even came back the following day and swam in the water while we canoed, laid in the sun on the deck when we had lunch and bid us farewell as we drove away. Whatever we were doing, wherever we were, she was not far behind.



A real-life Littlest Hobo....I heart her.
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Before I forget to mention

Another recent gift I made was for Dude.


Dude and I went to library school together and now work in the same school division. Not everyone gets prezzies in the inter-office mail run. I appreciate her friendship and the fact that she is just an email away when I need to vent, so thanks Dude for being such a good dude to me.
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Now, back to the weekend...

We arrived home early for a long weekend, a whole day early in fact.

Jerome had this plan that he would get on the horn and order the soil we needed for our garden and flower beds. Now remember, it is late Sunday afternoon, it is a loooong weekend and the next day is a holiday. Somehow the soil-gods were smiling on him because he successfully procured six cubic yards of soil, at a price $60 cheaper than the quotes we received, to be delivered on the holiday Monday.
God Jerome, you’re good.

Then it dawned on us...we don’t have a wheel-barrow!
Jump in the car, stores close within the hour, bring it home and take another hour to put it together...now we were set.

Then it arrived. It didn’t look like that much, it spread over 12 feet squared and for some reason I thought it would be bigger...not that I have ever uttered those words before.


We spent the better part of the day shovelling and raking, bending and lifting, between the cool wind and threats of rain. I lost count of the wheel-barrow fulls we transported throughout the yard. One neighbour filled up the tire on the wheel-barrow (did I mention it was flat?) and another lent us the use of his roto-tiller.

Then the kids appeared with shovels...

Three neighbourhood kids descended, eager to help. More soil ended up in the driveway (parts on the driveway where there was no soil before) than in the target bucket.

I tried to stop them, honestly I tried. I don't know if it was the fatigue, or hunger, but they overcame me and wore me down as they insisted on helping. So, I let them...until one of them quipped "Just how much are you going to pay us for this anyways?" This became the end of their short-lived careers as soil movers. Please note: no children were harmed in the moving of this soil.

By the end of the day it was a lot of work, yet there was a great sense of pride that we had accomplished it. Although some of us like to stop to take pictures while others (aka me) soldiered on...Seriously, I think I surprised Jerome that I could work this hard!


It was a grand day indeed. Until I tried to get out of bed the next morning...

For the love of god...

What has happened to my baby toe? I have no recollection of bumping it over the weekend, but boy does it smart!

Looks like I will be wearing flip-flops to work this week...

yarn-a-holic

I like to buy yarn....lots and lots of yarn.

I have yarn in bags...

Yarn in baskets...

And of course yarn in my dresser drawers...

I buy cheap 3 balls for a $1 yarn and sometimes the finer $10 + a skein. I’m not prejudiced; I am an equal opportunity yarn hoarder.

A recent find was this beautiful hand dyed 100% alpaca yarn that I scored in the clearance section for a mere $2 a skein. How could one pass this up? I bought 6 skeins each, hopefully enough to make 4 scarves, but usually I have no project in mind when I make my yarn purchases. I buy simply for the pleasure to buy.

Someday I plan to create a big pile of yarn in my spare bedroom and just roll around in it like leaves in the fall, but far more colourful.

I am a good dobie though when it comes to my finances. I always pay my credit card off every month and as I made such a transaction this weekend I was compelled, by some force greater than myself, to make a yarn purchase. So I went online...

$100 later....I have a problem. Just when you think you have this thing beat, it rears its ugly head and calls out to me.

Hey...I could be addicted to crack.

As George Carlin once said “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”

Yes, we have no bananas and other gross stories...

Apparently, my entire life, I have been eating bananas the wrong way.

A co-worker was telling me at lunch that she had been informed by a Latin American man that North Americans (you and I) eat bananas incorrectly.

Seriously, I don’t know how we even got on this topic, but it made me wonder what she meant by this. With the peel?

What we do in error is we eat the fruit upside down. The correct way to eat a banana is to peel it on the black end and use the stem as a handle.

Madness! I say. But no, she told me that it's the cat's ass...

I really felt that I wasn’t going to change 40 years of my eating habits for this exaggerated description of Shangri-la.

So, when no one was looking, I turned my banana upside down and gave it a go.

People, I am here to tell you that this is amazing!

It is a comfortable grip, almost ergonomic, and I wonder why this phenomenon has not caught on here.

My life has been made more enjoyable and so can yours.

If it’s good enough for the monkeys, it’s good enough for me!

Don’t judge a patron by his book choice

I decided to leave work today by the side door. As I walked around to the front of the school, I noticed a student with his hood up, standing very close to the building.

He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, oh yes he was....urinating on the school.

Now, I am the type of person who cannot walk by something like this and let it go, so say “You are not doing what I think you are doing, are you?”

He stops, but doesn’t turn around. I was still walking by, just slower, as I notice he is indeed pissing in front of the VP’s window.

I remark, “Stop that right now”, later I was informed by Jerome that guys simply can’t stop on command. Well, this kid did.

I ended with a firm, but simple, “That’s disgusting!”

I am certain I scared the crap (ohmigod, was that next) out of him.

The culprit, a student who mere hours before was in the library asking for SAT books to help him study for his exams, appeared embarrassed and apologetic.

Knowing your librarian knows you pee on walls is punishment enough.

Let’s face it... kids do stupid things. I am just thankful that I have hand sanitizer by my desk.

Who knows what that SAT book will go through before it gets returned.

I think for his next book I will recommend something suitable for a quick read...in the BATHROOM!

And he was never seen in a library ever again...

Who's afraid of the big bad plant?

I just returned from my final low maintenance bedding plant class and have learned the following:

- Low maintenance does not mean No maintenance

- Rabbits destroy things

- If you have thousands of dollars, you too can have a professionally landscaped yard

- And, the kicker, when you buy something on a whim and stick it in your yard in the fall, it might be a good idea to write down what you put in the friggin’ ground!!!!!

I am overwhelmed ... by plants. And at this point I am really wondering if anything is going to even get in the ground this year. There’s the stacking stone edging we plan to tackle ourselves, amending the soil ( good thing there wasn’t a test on this in my course) and those rabbits are going to keep me up at night with worry!

Oh, and did I mention the lilac bush? The unknown variety of lilac that we plunked in the ground (it actually made that sound, poor thing) about 12 inches from the edge of a 4 foot bed.

Just imagine it as Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree's little cousin.

The lilac that I discovered grows anywhere from 6 to 10 ft tall and just about as wide.

The aforementioned plant that Jerome and I have had several
‘discussions’regarding.

That lilac?

Baby needs to find a new home.

It might not happen until after midnight,and Jerome is asleep, but it is going to happen.

Cute side story from the garden centre.
I was wondering around trying to find a trellis as Jerome perused the fertilizer. Lately he has this sort of glint in his eye and spring in his step whenever we do anything garden related. As he read the various labels, he couldn’t help but notice two young men ( gawd, I feel old just saying that) standing beside a pallet of fertilizer in deep conversation.

Imagine the Canadian, younger version of Cheech and Chong

“ Wow, we’re gonna be here all day” the first stoner said, “there’s too many kinds”.

“Yeah”, the second (more paranoid) one replied. “And the worst part is we can’t even ask someone”.



And I think I will end with this...

Fine, but why is the doll going?

I thought Saturdays were for relaxing?

I am spinning my wheels today.

We went to a birthday breakfast this morningfor Henry ( my sister’s father-in-law). The whole family was there.

I love to tease my nephew, Mason, who is turning nine this summer. I always ask what his girlfriend’s name is and he scrunches up his face.

I decided to be ‘good’ and just asked “What’s new?”

“Well,” he commented rather seriously, “I had a shower today”.

I was meaning in a broader sense.

The remainder of the breakfast involved a highly detailed conversation with a five year old, Raya who does not believe in Santa Claus and just needed to get that off her chest. She did however confide in me that she does not tell this to the other children her age because she knows this will disappoint them.She was quite the conversationalist.

Then straight to kick boxing where Jerome , who ate a little too much, was worried of the consequences. He was fine. Our instructor recently won the featherweight woman’s championship of the world. Yes, the WORLD.

She is one tough cookie, but she makes you want to work hard for her, except for when you are plotting her death because she just doesn’t let up.

On our way home, I notice a neighbour working in her yard. I walked over to introduce myself and ask about her stacking stones (which we are planning to do in our yard). Well, I think I have found a friend. Her son plays with Ryan on his school soccer team. She saw Leonard Cohen the other night and has tickets to Fleetwood Mac in June (just like us)....She’s a keeper. I wonder if she knits?

Have you seen the latest potato-head commercial?

Gotta go, off to the garden centre then another birthday bash!

You're my man...

First, a quick comment about the show last night. I have found a new religion and its name is Leonard Cohen. What a performer! He sounded amazing, his show was flawless and he appeared ever so humble. It was worth every penny and the kicker was that the lovely Rhonda secretly upgraded our seats and I found myself on the floor, ninth row center. Pure magic!


Meet Ken...


I own a Ken doll.He resides on my desk in the library. The girls play with him and the boys place him in the most unfortunate positions.

Ken was gifted to me many years ago from a family member. It was a gift for no other reason than to shut me up for years of complaining. My complaint was simple. “The reason I have had all of these dysfunctional relationships with men is because I didn’t have a Ken doll growing up.” I never learned how to play nice with boys. Well, it seemed to have broken the spell.

So, now that you know who Ken is, here is the story.

A student from my school was planning a trip to England for an extended Spring break. I have always wanted to go, and someday I most definately will.

Usually on a daily basis I would ask if I could come along. "Perhaps there was room in your suitcase?", yet no amount of pleading seemed to work. Until one day, when she was playing with Ken (as the girls do), it dawned on me.

“What about Ken?” I asked. “Ken would love to go with you”.

And the rest as they say....is history.

Consider this a plastic version of Flat Stanley.

So, here’s Ken @ Stonehenge...




And consuming his first pint...



You can’t have a pint without chips at Leicester Square...



Then Ken went to Greenwich...



And visited his mummie at the British Royal Museum...


Okay, so the kids think I am insane. I even had a “Ken is away on holidays” sign when he was gone. But I am deadly impressed that ‘L’ (the student in question) took all these great pics for me and brought him back with both his shoes.

Ken also returned with his new friend “Action Man” (aka Mike’s doll or aka Ken's life partner).

Now if I can just convince someone to take Ken to grad. Talk about living vicariously through others.

Anyone know where I can find a really small tux?